Year: 2022

Looking back at life, most people will be able to identify definitive (often pivotal) moments that changed their life. Some were positive moments, while inevitably, some were negative moments, but with a positive impact over time.

In this brief post, I will share four of the most profound lessons I learned in my adult life. They shaped me, they formed me, and they challenged me. The four lessons all come from mentors. Interestingly these are people whom I have never met. I have listened to them but mostly read their books.  It makes me think about another lesson I learned: “You will be the same person from five years now, except for the people you meet and the books you read”. Or, stated differently: “Leaders are readers”.

The first lesson: “If you change, everything will change for you”. These words of wisdom came to me when I was fresh out of Business School—full of dreams and ambition, ready to change the world but with a business on the verge of failure. It just did not make sense: how can I fail? On that day, when I heard those words, I realised that change needed to come from within. I could not change the world, only myself. And on that day I started my journey of focussing on what I can change. I read philosophy, psychology, neuroscience, leadership, biographies of both failures and successes, and much more. And over the years, it prepared me for the next lesson.

The second lesson: “Work harder on yourself than on your job”. It emphasized that one needs balance. One needs to make sure that as an employee/employer, I needed not only to be excellent at my job, but also excellent at myself. This insight paved the way for my continued journey of reading and engaging with people and learning from them.

The third lesson: “Luck is something you attract by the person you become”. This was further validation of the above lessons. We are seldom lucky. One can rarely attribute success to only luck. I learned that by developing my own skills and talents, I was becoming more “attractive” to the world out there. When the opportunity came knocking at my door, and the door opened, it saw a much more attractive prospect which invariably led to success.

The fourth lesson: “First education, then philosophy, then attitude”. All the above came together in this fourth lesson I learned. Success always starts with education. Not just formal education, but self-education too. We must start there. For, only if we learn and explore, can we formalize our own philosophy about life, work, relationships, success, etc. Once we have crafted our own life philosophy, we culture a unique attitude to life. In my case, an attitude of gratitude and positive expectation. If you mix these around, starting with attitude, you land up with an idiot with an attitude.

Enjoy the journey!

Article written by Dr Tienie Stander

I am not sure if it’s only me, but lately, I feel that I am suffering from Covid-small-talk-burnout (let’s call it CSTB, yet another acronym!). Almost, without exception, it seems that any interaction, with anybody, being work, friends or family-related, starts with the latest “news” on Covid. Inevitably, when you join a virtual meeting and there are a few minutes’ before all the attendees join, the discussion will be Covid. When colleagues “meet” up again after some time of absence, the meeting starts with Covid. When meeting with friends for lunch or dinner, Covid always seems to creep into the discussion. We compare notes; it almost becomes an Olympic game about who has the most extreme news.

I am not in any way questioning the severity of the pandemic. I do have big concerns about the impact on society at a micro and macro level. I get it. It is a huge tragedy. It is newsworthy. It is important.

However, my call-out today is this: let’s stop placing Covid at the center stage of our daily informal discussions. Let’s remember that there are so many other good things to talk about. Let’s get some balance back in our lives when it comes to the things, we “small-talk”. Let’s resist CSTB. Rather talk about the relief brought by the recent rain, the full moon of last night, the amazing sunrise last week, your child’s first step or words, your colleague’s great accomplishment. Ask questions to your audience, be genuinely interested in them and their world, family, achievements, and challenges. Tell a joke of a funny story that happened to you or someone you know.

An attitude of gratitude and positive expectation goes a long way to turn negatives into positives. When we make this a habit, our brain’s neuroplasticity creates pathways that leads to repetitive behavior. The old saying “Whether you say you can or you can’t, you’re right”, holds true. In this context, seeing is not really believing.  Believing is seeing. What we believe is what we see (also called our biases). When we believe we can, we usually can.

I argue that we all can make a choice to focus on a balanced “small-talk” agenda and decide not to be captured by Covid in all our activities. But, in the final analysis, whether you say you can do this, or cannot do it, you’re right.

Article written by Dr Tienie Stander